Take that Journey: Ashley’s Story
by Nicole Lo
Summary: Ashley is sick and tired of being Miss Doom and Gloom. She’ll do whatever it takes to be happy … to make everyone else think that she’s happy, when she’s really not. What happens when a painful path of suppressing her feelings leads her to the dar
1. Default Chapter

Take that Journey: Ashley's Story

By: Nicole Lopez

Summary: Ashley is sick and tired of being Miss Doom and Gloom. She'll do whatever it takes to be happy ... to make everyone else _think _that she's happy, when she's really not. What happens when a painful path of suppressing her feelings leads her to the darkest point in her life?

Chapter One: You Don't Have to Be Sad

"Hey you." Manny smiled, embracing Craig tightly. He had finally come to his senses and left Ashley in order to take care of his responsibilities.

"You look beautiful." Manny rolled her eyes.

"Liar. I'm starting to get fat." Four months into her pregnancy, and Manny was finally starting to show. She had remained fairly small until that point, working out at every possible moment. "Only five more months." She rubbed her stomach gently.

"Yeah." Craig looked deeply into her eyes, knowing that he was going to spend the rest of his life with Manny ... knowing that they would always be connected by their baby. Craig took Manny's hand in his, kissing it softly. "Forever." He whispered.

It was sickening. Just looking at Craig and Manny together ... her stomach protruding, but she still looked so happy. That was the life that Ashley Kerwin should've had. She'd been robbed. Everything that he had said to her was a lie ... everything in her life made her depressed just thinking about it. All of her so-called friends had left her behind once they figured out that she couldn't get over Craig. Ashley had loved him like she had never loved anyone before. She was willing to give up her virginity to him ... and everything ...

"I hate that word," She mumbled, pushing cold spaghetti around her plate.

"Yeah, me too." Nick butted in, sitting beside her.

"Shouldn't you be off with some of your friends ... you know someone who actually likes you?" Ashley snapped, relieved yet angered by his presence.

"I came to give the Queen of Doom company." He took a huge bite out of his burger, completely fixated on Ashley.

"Don't you get the hint? I want to be alone." She started to pack her things and get up.

"I needed to talk to you."

"About what? What could you possibly have to say to me that would make me interested ... at all?" Ashley looked away from him, swearing off boys completely ... although he had that whole tall, dark, and handsome Italian thing going ... she wasn't biting. At all.

"I can help you." Nick responded between bites of his burger and fries.

"Oh really. So you're my knight in shining armor? No thanks. I'm not like that. Go chase after Manny if you want someone that's easy." Ashley stood up, pulling her messenger bag over her shoulder.

"Ouch." Nick stood up as well. "Just hear me out... I know how you're life's hell lately and you don't have to be sad all the time. That's what everyone expects."

"Yeah, that's how I feel. You've never had someone you love cheat on you, get someone else pregnant, and stay with that person, have you?

"Naw. That's physically impossible." Nick joked. "But seriously, consider being happy once in a while ..."

"And what am I supposed to do, fake it?"

"Do you honestly think Paige and her crew are happy all the time? No one is. Everyone's lying out of their asses. If you want something more out of your life ... make it happen."

"What are you, Mr. Miracle man?"

"No, but I think it's a damn shame that someone who has so much going for them, like you do, is hung up over some asshole." Ashley smiled, a small, slight, almost invisible one, for the first time in a while.

"I'm not hung up over him." She walked off, hoping that he didn't see her smile, and the fact that his hopefulness was somewhat contagious ... Ashley didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

"Hey, meet me after 7th period if you want some real fun." Nick had said this same thing to her so many times in the past two months and she had completely decided against skipping for any reason.

(A/N: Just a beginning to a whole lot of self-discovery and drama for Ashley ... I was thinking about writing a mini-story- 10 chapters or less- about other Degrassi characters too. Review and comment if you're interested!! --NL)


	2. You Must Be Crazy

Chapter Two: You Must Be Crazy

"So you're into someone else now?" Ellie asked Ashley in their computer lab class.

"No. There's absolutely no one here for me."

"But you were sitting with Nick today. Sean and I were waiting for you." She nagged as Ashley turned on her computer.

"Look, I'm sorry. He just kept going on and on-"

"About what?"

"About how I'm depressed all the time and how I don't have to be." Ashley answered, still thinking about that conversation she had had earlier.

"And you actually sat there and listened? Everyone knows that Nick Castallano is a con-artist. He'll do whatever he can to get in some girl's pants."

"And Sean isn't." Ellie glared at her as if she had slapped her. "I'm sorry. I know how Sean is cleaning up his act and everything."

"No, you wouldn't know anything about that." Ellie began. "All you do is sit around and mope. You don't even go out with us and you don't care about anything anymore. I don't understand you."

"That's because you don't know what I'm going through." Ashley shot back. "Your life is perfect."

"Perfect? Because I have Sean? Craig is not everything. Stop making him the center of the universe." Ellie narrowed her voice, fed up with Ashley's mini-obsession over what happened last year.

"Maybe Nick was right." Ashley said randomly, not wanting to think about Craig, but unable to stop herself. "Maybe I just ... I've gotta get outta here."

Ashley walked out of the front of the building, not caring who she ran into or if she would get suspended. She just needed some fresh air, to go do something that wouldn't remind her of Craig.

"So, you came!" Nick yelled, waiting inside his yellow sports car.

"No, I just needed fresh air." Ashley lied, trying to figure out how to get out of this. She didn't want him to think that she needed some guy in her life to make her happy ... or that she was that unhappy because she wasn't. Ashley was just ... apathetic and ... more introspective than she used to be.

"There's fresh air in here." Nick offered, motioning towards his car.

"I like it out here better."

"Okay. See you tomorrow." He hopped into his car, counting off the seconds until Ashley would run over and join him.

"Wait. I'm coming." She avoided his eye contact, throwing her bag in the back seat.

"That a girl."

"So, you brought me to your house. That's ambitious." Ashley added, believing that he was what Ellie had warned her about.

"No. I just needed to pick up something. You can come in if you want." Nick offered, as Ashley shrugged, following him to the front of the house.

"Aren't you worried about your parents seeing you here?"  
"My parents don't live here." He added, unlocking the door.

"I don't understand."

"They gave me this place, as a get-the-hell-out-of-my-house present." Nick gave a small smile. "I can do whatever I want here."

"And how do you pay for it?"

"I don't. They do." Ashley shook her head.

"So you are just another spoiled rich kid."

"No, I work." Nick responded.

"Doing what?" Ashley tagged along.

"You'll see. I'll take in there in a few." Nick went searching for his ID as Ashley marveled at how clean and well-kept the house was.

"She just completely walked out like were in a movie she didn't want to see. I don't understand Ashley ... I know she went out with Nick." Ellie explained to Sean.

"So what if she did? Nick's cool. And Ash wouldn't let anyone take advantage of her."

"But she's so vulnerable right now. She's capable of doing anything." Ellie added, unable to concentrate on their tutoring session.

"She probably has her cell phone on. Just call her and ask her what she's doing? I bet Ash it at home right now."

"Maybe." Ellie sighed as Sean rubbed her hand, comfortingly. He always knew how to make her feel better.

"You work here?" Ashley looked at the sign in disbelief. "Isn't this like a strip club?"  
"Not exactly." Nick responded. "I just serve food here."

"Sure and I'm Mary Poppins."

"No ... Mary Poppins was hotter." He joked, walking into the restaurant with Ashley close behind him.

"Hey Nick." Numerous female voices greeted him. He smiled back, charmingly as Ashley began to feel out of place. _What are you doing here_? She looked away for a second, realizing that Nick was no longer in front of her.

"Do you need to be seated ma'am?" A well-toned Korean dude asked her.

"Umm ... I'm waiting on someone."

"Hey Ash." Nick suddenly appeared in a fitted muscle tee and black pants.

"What are you doing? I thought you were gonna show me around?"  
"I'm working."

"You brought me here to serve me?" Ashley tried to keep her voice low.

"You wanted to see where I worked." Nick responded, jokingly.

"And what am I supposed to do?"

"Chill out here." He escorted her to the table she had previously refused from Conner, the Korean guy.

"You must be crazy. I can't be ... seen here. There are men who look like they've been stripping in here and you're prancing around like a male prostitute." Ashley began to get up-tight.

"Real men don't prance."

"Gay men strip. Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Castallano get to work!!" Someone yelled over the counter.

"Have fun."

(A/N: Weird, I know, but I didn't want to have the same type of setting as most of my other stories. I wanted to have something different, so why not a female version of Hooters ... or would it be a male version of Hooters? Anyway, you get the picture. R/R! --NL)


	3. Three

Chapter Three: Completely Different

"What did you think?" Nick grinned, waiting for Ashley's response. "Was it all you expected?"

"It was definitely wild. I can't believe that girl paid you to take a shot off her stomach."

"Yeah, it's fun working there." Nick tossed the keys to Ashley.

"So, you make enough money here to keep up your place?"

"No. This place is spending money." He responded.

"So you are a prostitute then? I knew it when we first walked in and everything..." Ashley's voice trailed off, as she stared at him. Nick was completely different from who she thought he was. He was ... better somehow ...

"I model."

"What?" Ashley asked, snapping out of her daydream.

"I do calendars, magazine ads ... stuff like that."

"Oh." She looked down, hearing her cell phone ring. It was Ellie. "Hey."

"You're not still with that Nick creep are you?" Ellie practically screamed, as if she had been worried all day.

"I'm fine ... I've been resting at home for a couple of hours and ... I feel a lot better." Ash decided against telling Ellie the truth ... partially because she felt some type of loyalty to Nick.

"Good. I thought he would've worked his charm by now."

"No. Everything's ... chill. I've gotta go though. Homework calls." Ashley and Ellie said their good-byes as Nick sat back listening.

"You're a really good liar."

"No I'm not." Ash responded after hanging up the phone.

"Yeah ... you're not."

Ashley woke up the next morning feeling just as horrible as usual. The bright sun outside completely contrasted with her mood. Normally, it was gloomy and foggy, just the way Ashley liked it.

She'd had another nightmare about Manny and Craig, but this time, Manny had tried to kill her in order to get Craig. She shouldn't have watched that Swimfn movie last night with Nick.

Nick ... how could she forget that she'd spend the entire day with him. "Stupid me." Ashley mumbled to herself. "He probably thinks he's won some prize by now..." How could she let herself be taken in by his charm ... Ashley should've known by now that no many could be trusted. Not her father, not Craig, and definitely not Nick.

"Ashley! Time to get up!" Ms. Kerwin yelled as Ashley groaned. Another day of high school hell. She forced herself to walk over to her closet, noticing that all her dark-colored outfits were gone ... dirty. Ash hadn't washed clothes in a couple of weeks. There was only bright red, neon orange, neon blue, hot pink, and lime green left to choose from ... those were all from the days when she had cheated on Jimmy with Sean ... so long ago.

"Neon blue it is," She mumbled, pulling the blue halter off of the hanger. "This'll do." Ashley picked up a dirty pair of bell-bottom jeans and a small jean jacket.

"Ash, wake up!!"

"I'm coming mom." She walked into her bathroom, determined to take a quick shower. Today, she didn't look half as bad as the way she felt.

(A/N: Not much, but it's a start. The transformation begins ... can't you tell with my use of "color" weather ... sorry too much analyzing from English class. NM else to say. But you guys can still comment and let me know that you're reading and liking/disliking it. Thanks! --NL)


	4. Chapter Four: Moping and Plotting

Chapter Four: Moping and Plotting

"You're coming to my house tonight, right?" Nick wondered, noticing that Ashley looked more ... put together than usual.

"I don't think I should. I had fun, but I'm not a party girl." Ashley's memory flipped back to when she'd stupidly taken E and made out with Sean. "Me and party drugs don't clique."

"Then come to dance and chill out. You work way too hard." Marco chimed in.

"You're going?"

"Everyone's going."

"In that case ..." Ashley pretended to think about it." I'm not going. I don't want to see Craig and Manny ... at all."

"You won't. They won't be there." Nick offered.

"Yeah, it's their anniversary." Marco added. Ashley rolled her eyes, trying not to throw up. What a joke. An anniversary for a slut and a fake asshole.

"I don't think so ... I just need to be alone."

"Cool." Nick walked off as Marco looked at him, confused. Nick didn't seem to care what Ashley was doing, which was odd.

"Whatever." She briskly walked off in the opposite direction, taking a shower before 7th period rolled around again.

"So, what does this study with placebos show?" Ms. Okawno wondered, as Ashley struggled to pay attention. Psychology just wasn't her thing anymore. At one time, she thought that she wanted to help people sort out their problems, but now she couldn't even fix her own. It was a mess.

"It shows the power of suggestion." Liberty answered, still being the complete know-it-all that she was known for.

"Exactly. And what does the power of suggestion state. Ashley?"

"Umm ... It states that ..." She stopped. Who was she kidding. "I have no idea."

"Marco? And I suggest you listen Ms. Kerwin." Ashley looked away, embarrassed. School used to be the one thing that she could count on ... school and music. Now, it was all going away.

"It's like when someone tells themselves that they can do something or not do something ... it shows the power of the mental psyche. When you believe one thing, it's more likely to happen. Just like optimism and pessimism."

Ashley tuned in for the last part. The power of suggestion ... Maybe it could turn her life upside down ... completely ...

"I don't know if I should go or not." Ashley admitted to Marco who seemed to be one of her only friends this year.

"You know what I think."

"Yeah, but I'm gonna feel so out of place. Everyone expects me to be at home moping and plotting a way to kill myself." She sighed.

"Is that what you want?"

"To die? Of course not. I just want to get away from it all."

"Seeing that you have one more year until you graduate ... that's impossible, but you can try to have fun."

"Yeah. Sure. Hold on a sec." She clicked over to the other line, realizing that she had a beep. Maybe it was someone telling her what she needed to do.

(A/N: I'll put up the second part of this chapter later, and don't worry ... it gets better. NL If you want more, review, and if you don't tell me you don't and why.)


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